downgrading

Since my series of unfortunate circumstances, I have had to make some serious and quite difficult decisions.  I am seeking new residency as mine is very unaffordable right now and I have had to postpone for the time being some of my other luxuries…such as food.  I have disconnected my internet, learned to stretch a pound of pasta, added water to my soap detergent to gain more washings from it and I have given up wine.  I’ve had to do these things so that I may afford those items I deem to be essential.  I cannot go without my medication. Not at my current state.  My proclivity for melancholy requires that I still take it religiously.  If that means I must give up wine..one of my only vices along with coffee, then so be it.  Coffee I cannot quite get myself to quit yet.  I was fortunate enough to find a bag of coffee while cleaning out my closet.  It was from my former employer and I have no issue with drinking it. Incidentally  I found it quite enjoyable. It gave me some sense of normality…me drinking a steaming cup of coffee fresh from my press while watching the morning news.  I have been reading quite a bit.  I am attracted to the gothic genre for some strange reason. “Jayne Eyre”, “Wuthering Heights” I think it’s the gloominess of the script. I feel the coldness of England in my bones right now even if it is the height of summer where I live.  I find myself thinking in these words as well as one can see in my writing.  I take comfort in these books.  I have memories of reading them as a young girl, curled up on the couch during a raining fall day and escaping to the castles and moors north of England: Yorkshire, Hawthorn, Thorton.  I taken out several books from my personal library to re-read as well as gone to my public library for new ones.  It keeping with the same vein of English literature that I’m attracted to I’ve taken to reading “Howard’s End” . I have seen the movie but have never read the book…  unemployment gives you time to do things you always wanted to do but never had time for.  That is it’s only blessing.

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