I wasn’t always like this

I wanted to share that I wasn’t always such doom and gloom.  I had a great sense of humor once.  I’ve always been depressed, but I don’t think I’ve been this bad in a very long time.  I’ve always been able to still laugh and joke, but I lost that when I lost my job and my life started to spiral out of control.  To prove this, I’ve included an excerpt of a blog a started when my sister and I had to go to Pittsburg for her cancer treatment.  She was diagnosed with a malignant tumor in her sinus cavity in 2006. I traveled with her as I was between jobs(another layoff). We stayed in a family house near the hospital. There were about 20 apartment like rooms in the house, with a communal kitchen.  We were there for three months and to pass the time I started a blog on caringbridge.  This is one of the more humourous entries:

It’s 11:00 and karen and I have been up for quite sometime now.  She actually got up earlier than I and went to the doctor on her own.  She’s just stubborn like that.  She had to turn in the vile of fluid that she collected from her nose.  The nurse contacted  Dr. Brad Pitt and he said that the leakage from her nose is unusual at this stage.  I said that there hasn’t been anything usual about this whole thing, why start now.  Hopefully, we will get the test results from the vile soon so we know what’s going on.

While karen was at the doctors, I decided to go to the “Work Out Room” at the house.  Now this “gym” is no more than a 12 X 5 room with some busted up weights, a treadmill, an elipytical bike, and a old nordic trak.  On the way down, I walked with a woman who was on the way down to work out as well.  Now this woman’s whole body was no bigger than my right thigh, so im pretty sure she’s a bit anorexic.  She chooses the treadmill, of course.  I wanted to tell her” lady, between thet two of us, I think I should get the treadmill because I need it more.  See My ass? Now look at yours. Oh wait..you don’t have one. So why don’t you just do yourself a nutritional favor, go to the kitchen and make yourself a much needed sandwich and leave me alone in here so I can work out in peace.” But, I just decided to keep my mouth shut and try the elyptical.  I have never had much luck with an elyptical bike before.  I can never get the pedals to where my knees aren’t kicking me in the chin, and the seat is usually too small for my ass.  That’s exactly what happened.  While anorexic woman was building up a nice sweat on the treadmill and burning up the 10 calories that she consumed this morning for breakfast, I was too busy trying to adust the pedals and seat so I could be comfortable.  I did this for 20 mintues: pedaling for a few minutes, getting up and adjusting, pedal for another few more mintues; Then  my ass started sliding of the seat because it doesn’t fit. So I get up again, adjust  the seat and as I do that my leg kicks something off the bike.  I’m hoping that anorexic lady doesn’t see that(which she doesn’t) and then I hide the broken piece underneath the bike.  The bike seems to be working, so I don’t think that piece is very important anyway.  The last straw was after I kicked the piece off the bike and I still didn’t get the bike adjusted correctly( my knees where knocking me in the boobs), I finally bid skinny bitch a fond adieu, got up, headed to the kitchen and made myself a much derserved peanutbutter and jelly sandwich. Maybe I’ll go for a walk later up the cardiac hill near our house.  I did that the other day and came back panting and sweating like I’ve been in a sweat shop for a week. 

I’ll let you know what the test results are as soon as I know and whether anorexic lady had a sandwich or not.

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